The Black-Eyed "D"'s

The fact that I had to sit through one of the most excruciating moments of my life right after the ecstasy of the first half beat-down the Pack put on the ‘St-ill-ers” is absolutely ridiculous. The bad part of attending a Super Bowl party is that there are always enough females in attendance that watching the over-hyped halftime extravaganza is not really an option, but a guarantee. And the display that pop-act The Black Eyed-Peas put forth was more than just an extravaganza; it was a musical, choreographed, vocally abusive train-wreck that nobody in their right mind could say they enjoyed.

Don’t get me wrong, I know where we stand with the music industry these days, and God knows I respect any act that can gain a fan-base and make money in that difficult profession. But the product that was put in front of the nation last night was a joke. But this is America, where masking lack of talent with unique costumes, flowing dance movements, and bright colors is essential to appealing to the masses. Like toddlers watching a Baby Einstein DVD, Americans stared mesmerized at the bright colors and rhythmic motions, all the while oblivious to the supreme lack of talent and musicianship in the middle of the stage.

It’s not that I hate the Black Eyes-Peas, because I don’t --- In fact as I said above I respect any act that can turn a profit (let alone a massive one) in the difficult music business. They definitely rate high in cool factor in this world where the currency of “cool” is a must. Will.i.am is an extremely talented DJ, mixer and engineer, which equates very well in a studio setting. Fergie is the appealing beauty with attitude, with her sensual curves making up for her less then stellar singing voice. The “other two Peas” (Taboo and apl.de.ap) are more statues of cool than essential musical necessity.

I knew from the start what we were getting into when the Peas swashbuckled their way down to the stage to the beats of their ultra-popular “I’ve Got a Feeling.” The cheesy entrance gave way to out of tune vocal abuse by both the lead vocalists. Fergie’s tone-deaf heavy movement laced grumbles made me yearn for X-Tina’s Star Spangled mishap in the pregame. Will talked his way through his “singing” portions while the non-existence of both Taboo and apl shined through. Not even cameos from Slash on a “Sweet Child O Mine” cover and Usher with his hit “OMG” could save the musical disaster unfolding in front of millions.

The colors, costumes (see Will’s hair, Fergie’s shoulder pads, apl.de.ap’s sunglasses and most importantly Taboo’s “Light Bright”eque blinking leather suit) and choreography from the crowd surrounding the stage kept my interest enough to stomach the whole debacle, but Super Bowl XLV’s halftime show set true music back to the stone age. What many thought would work and many more knew wouldn’t, the Black Eyed-Peas and their attempt at entertainment came up woefully short.

Grade: I would give them a solid “D.” God love us, it was still better then The Who from last year