As you can tell I watch a lot of TV and have an abundance of free time; with those two things being synonymous with one another, it is no real surprise that I have a bevy of favorite shows. I love 24, Lost, It’s Always Sunny, Kitchen Nightmares, Heroes, Greek, Chuck, The Office, and even Private Practice (it’s one of my vices – that’s all I’m gonna say). But out of all of those shows none match up to the intrigue and drama of the Real World / Road Rules Challenge franchise. Whether it’s the Duel, Gauntlet, Inferno, Ruins, Fresh Meat, Battle of the Sexes, or even the Island, this show is amazing in any format.
I’m pretty well versed in the history of the Challenge not to mention The Real World. I remember some of the greatest moments in the history of reality TV (before Jersey Shore came along) happening right there in whatever random destination paradise. Ahh, the moments I remember. I remember the men’s upset of the women in the ‘Cast a Spell’ challenge down a man and down a letter after Steven bitch-slapped Shane on the Battle of the Sexes 2. I remember CT’s heart rate dropping below 60 as his partner Tonya went ape-shit on the ‘Heart Rate Bungee’ challenge on the Inferno 2. And of course I remember when Kenny, Johnny and Derrick sold Paula down the river and opted for Ev in the final challenge on the Island. There are a million and one other stories, but I won’t get into any of those.
Throughout the history of the show there have been too many amazing challenges, competitors (both men and women) and prizes. And with that thought in mind I started to try and think of who and what a RW/RR Challenge All-Star Season would consist of. I know it brings a smile to my face every time I even think about it. First off I would think it would have to be setup in the format of like a Gauntlet or an Inferno. Two teams, a challenge, some sort of voting process, and then an elimination. That is a go-no-wrong time honored dynamic. Also, I would have to suggest that the payout eclipse seven figures. But even those were the boring parts of the whole plan. The exciting part…formulating the cast.
For all of you Challenge-alolics out there, you may find some exceptions here and there to my allustrious cast of bros and hoes. But I think all and all the 32 competitors I eventually narrowed it down to, would create the overall best TV experience. As I said earlier, I decided to keep it pretty traditional with a Gauntlet / Inferno format, which would result in dividing the competitors into two even matched teams consisting of eight men and eight women: Blue and Red. I don’t want any theme to it (ie vertrens v. rookies, or good guys v. bad guys), because I feel that a theme like that could stand in the way of the best possible matchups. So I guess without further ado I will unvail my RW/RR All-Star Challenge competitors.
Blue Team Men:
Evan (Fresh Meat) – Evan is known as the Alphadog in recent challenge history. He has compeated in 5 challenges and has won his last two. He is a born leader and maybe the most balanced competitor of brains and brawn.
The Miz (RW Back to NY) – The Miz has been one of the most contraversial men in RW/RR history. A two time challenge champion, he has recently been a superstar in the WWE. I think it’s about his time to step his game back up.
Abe (RR South Pacific) – Abe may in fact be the most insane men in the history of the challenge. He too is a two time winner but has been there a few times near the end without cashing in. He has competed in 6 challenge seasons and 2 RR season.
Wes (RW Austin) – Wes is one of the most difficult people for teammates to get along with. He is brash and at times cocky and has rocked the boat with almost every person. But he can be a one man show at times and showed it in Fresh Meat and the Ruins.
Kenny (Fresh Meat) – Kenny and Evan must be on the same team, that should be a mandatory rule. He may be as cocky and arrogant as any competitor in the game, but this two time winner has backed it up, holding Evan’s hand along the way.
Theo (RR Max. Velocity Tour) – Theo has not competed since Fresh Meat, which means this also two time winner is well rested. He has only competed in four total challenges but his is batting .500 and has always been in contention.
Eric (RW New York) – Eric is the old codger on the blue team. As a man who was on the very first Real World, you know he’s been around. Although he officially retired from challenges after Battle of the Sexes 2, I’m sure he’ll make time for a hefty payout.
Johnny (RW Key West) – Johnny Bananas is the final piece to a team with Evan and Kenny. They are like the dysfunctional three musketeers. Johnny is one of the hottest players coming off of two straight victories, but has also had a hard time playing nice with teammates.
Blue Team Women:
Rachel (RR Campus Crawl) – Rachel is six time competitor and two time winner. She is seen in most circles as one of the most complete players on the womans side of the draw. She is that great combo of smart and tough.
Ruthie (RW Hawaii) – Ruthie may be the scrappiest player in the game. This one time drunkard brings a boat load of experience, fight, and agility to the game. Althought she’s never been a challenge champion she is still seen as one of the toughest chicks.
Kelly Anne (RW Sydney) – Kelley Anne is strong, tough and a lot crazy. But you’d have to be to voluntarily date Wes. I figure I’d put her on a team with her beau so that the integrity of the game is not sacrificed by throwing challenges.
Aviv (Fresh Meat) – Aviv has the best all time winning percentage amongst challenge contestants at 100%, although she’s only one for one. She was extremely successful the first time around and needs to be brought back to prove she isn’t a fluke.
Tonya (RW Chicago) – Tonya in my opinion is the most crazy female in the history of the show. She has won one challenge, but has been marred in contraversey almost every other time she’s been there…she’s an entertainment no-brainer.
Beth (RW Los Angeles) – Beth is the Grandmother of the challenge, that is if you’re grandmother is a sneaky conniving weasel. Although she has made seven appearances over the seasons, she has never won and many times has been self-sabbataged / martyred.
Kina (RR Extreme) – Kina is a tough athletic girl who captained her way to a victory on the Gauntlet 2. She is one of those girls who have that mix of smarts and competitive juice. She is a one time winner of the challenge.
Sarah (RW Brooklyn) – Sarah is one of my wild cards. In her first challenge she made it thru a few Ruins and almost pulled the upset of the boys with Kelly Anne. She proved she is tough, and I just had to put her on a team with Kenny.
Red Team Men:
CT (RW Paris) – CT is possibly the most polarizing figure in challenge history. Twice he has been booted for fighting and other the times he has failed to win a challenge. But there is no man who has ever been comfortable against the beast.
Landon (RW Philadelphia) – Landon is the resident nice guy, and only a two time competitor on the show. He was on a winning team in his first effort and dominated on his second before being upset. He will need to be the cool to counteract CT.
Darrell (RR Campus Crawl) – Darrell is the all-time winningest competitor in challenge history. He has competed in five challenges and has brought the crown home four times. He only loss was for fighting Brad when he was already locked in the final.
Alton (RW Las Vegas) – Alton is cool calm customer, but a beast when he needs to be. What he lacks in challenge experience he makes up for in pure power, speed, atheletism and leadership. He was the main man in his only challenge apperaence / victory.
Derrick (RR Extreme) – Derrick has participated in more challenges than any other male contenstant in the history of the show. I refer to him as pound for pound the toughest man to ever step in the challenge ring. He has three championships for his efforts.
Syrus (RW Boston) – Syrus is another one of those veterns whose been around the block. He has appeared in five seasons and has brought home one title. What he lacks in youth he more than makes up for in want-to, strength and pure mass.
Mark (RR Season 1) – Mark is the elder stateman amongst the red group of male competitors. Although he is in an uphill battle against age, he has the experience and mental know how to be a leader of the game. He is the holder of two championships.
Brad (RW San Diego) – Brad holds the unfortunate moniker of the best player to never have won the big one, and that’s not out of lack of effort. His experience in seven challenges makes him a force of will and knowledge. He just has not been able to seal the deal.
The Red Team Women:
Ev (Fresh Meat) – Ev was once referred to by Evan as his teams “9th man.” She’s been known by many as the best ever female player. This two time challenge champion is so money she has been seen as an overall number one pick in challenge fantasy leagues.
Coral (RW Back to NY) – Coral is one of the most storied chicks in challenge history. She has a competitive mean streak that is matched by no one. She has had some bad luck in winning final challenges, with only one, but will always vie for dominant female in the group.
Jodi (RR Extreme) – Jodi is another one of those competitors batting 1000. She is two for two on challenges and has put forth dominating efforts in both her victories. She is another total package consisting of strong, smart and atheletic.
Susie (RR Down Under) – Susie is the kind of girl that seems sweet and innocent, until the games begin and then she’ll play her game. She is a strong player because she combines gritty determination with down right dirty political angling and head games.
Paula (RW Key West) – Paula will always be salty from being played by the alliance on the Island. She too has done virtually everything except be a challenge champion. But she has fire and heart and most of all a hatred for men on the blue team.
Veronica (RR Semester at Sea) – Veronica and the challenge are as comfortable together as spaghetti and meatballs. She is tied with all time number of challenge appearences and three time winner. She is a crafty vetern and heated rival with both Tonya and Beth on the other team.
Jamie (RW San Diego) – Jamie is one of the most level headed competitors to ever participate in the challenge. When it comes to efficiency she is right up there at one for one as a champion. What she lacks in size she makes up for in speed and smarts.
Brittini (RR Hollywood) – Brittini is my red team wild card. Although her first and only appearance in the challenge ended in a runner up showing, she proved she was tough. But can she shake the fact that Landon was her partner? I think she can.
Lastly I need to address who the host will be. I’ve thought about Puck, Dave Mirra, Johnny Mosley and even Dan (RW Miami), but when push comes to shove I could never be more stoked then when I’m watching TJ Lavin. How can you not love when TJ tell a competitor that he/she “killied it.” Or watch how angry TJ gets when a player quits or fails to participate. There is just no way I could logically select any other host but TJ Lavin.
That’s it…the greatest competition specticle of all time. It makes the Olympics look grade school stuff. If only it could happen I could die a happy man.
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